I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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