My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize