Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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