Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize