this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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