I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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