Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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