my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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