you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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