i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize