Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize