It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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