I wish life had little blips of pornography
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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