need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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