Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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