The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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