we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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