Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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