I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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