I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize