My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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