I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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