You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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