he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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