So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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