You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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