You're my little dorito
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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