Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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