a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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