i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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