in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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