I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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