Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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