Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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