i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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