I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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