Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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My vagina just recognized that song.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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