she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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