so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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