Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The ass gains better be worth it
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