babies were throwing up all over the place
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize