Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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