Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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