Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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