I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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