Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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