just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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