the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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