just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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