Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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